Well I'm an idiot - the fulltext index on page_text was missing from a default installation. It didn't break searches but probably slowed them down tremendously. Also set engine to MyISAM on page_text to avoid cryptic error messages from MySQL.
/* * IE doesn't like display: table. */var TBL_SHOW = ( IE ) ? 'block' : 'table';function admin_expand(){ var expander = document.getElementById('sidebar-hide'); var content = document.getElementById('sidebar-show'); var holder = document.getElementById('td-sidebar'); if ( content.style.display == TBL_SHOW ) { admin_collapse_real(expander, content, holder); createCookie('theme_admin_sidebar', 'collapsed', 3650); } else { admin_expand_real(expander, content, holder); createCookie('theme_admin_sidebar', 'expanded', 3650); }}function admin_collapse_real(expander, content, holder){ expander.className = 'collapsed'; content.style.display = 'none'; holder.style.width = '0px'; holder.style.paddingRight = '12px'; holder.style.paddingLeft = '0px';}function admin_expand_real(expander, content, holder){ expander.className = 'expanded'; content.style.display = TBL_SHOW; holder.style.width = '230px'; holder.style.paddingLeft = '12px'; holder.style.paddingRight = '0px';}function expander_set_height(){ var expander = document.getElementById('sidebar-hide'); var magic = $('header').Height() + $('pagebar_main').Height(); var height = getHeight(); var exheight = height - magic; expander.style.height = exheight + 'px'; expander.style.top = magic + 'px'; expander_set_pos();}function expander_onload(){ var expander = document.getElementById('sidebar-hide'); var content = document.getElementById('sidebar-show'); var holder = document.getElementById('td-sidebar'); if ( readCookie('theme_admin_sidebar') == 'collapsed' ) { admin_collapse_real(expander, content, holder); } else if ( readCookie('theme_admin_sidebar') == 'expanded' ) { admin_expand_real(expander, content, holder); }}function expander_set_pos(){ var winheight = getHeight(); var magic = $('header').Height() + $('pagebar_main').Height(); var top = getScrollOffset(); if ( typeof(top) != 'number' ) { return null; } magic = magic - top; if ( magic < 0 ) magic = 0; var bartop = magic + top; var barheight = winheight - magic; var expander = document.getElementById('sidebar-hide'); expander.style.top = bartop + 'px'; expander.style.height = barheight + 'px';}addOnloadHook(expander_set_height);addOnloadHook(expander_onload);window.onresize = expander_set_height;window.onscroll = expander_set_pos;